Saturday, November 23, 2013

Deep Fried White Trash Vegan Evolutions

By Lord Covington, [additions by Lady Covington as so

For the better part of my veganness, I have proudly waved the white trash vegan banner.  What nonsense is that, you ask?  Well, the best example I've got is: "I am vegan, so therefore I eat tofu, but I am Southern, so the tofu is deep fried."  As far as I have been concerned in the past, vegan as a health choice was secondary or even tertiary to the ethical considerations.  So after being sure something was vegan my next concern was flavor.  I wanted to eat all the southern-fried-heart-attack foods I ate before, just with vegan substitutions.   It's surprisingly easy to eat less than optimally nutritious, fantastic tasting food as a vegan.  Know what's vegan? Oreos, Texas toast, almost all pasta noodles, baked potatoes, [mashed potatoes, fried potatoes, hash browns, tater tots]  and a great many cobblers.  White trash vegan paradise, my friends, is what it is.

      Combine our love of Fatty Mcgreasealot foods and the fact that we were poor college students when we met, AND that I've never particularly cared for salads; and it made for a whole lot of Ramen noodle or (GOD) butter noodle breakfast lunch and dinners for lady Covington and I in the beginning. [At our poorest and most desperate,] we even made some sort of "vegan fish patty" that was mostly just white flour and oil.  I have no idea why I just didn't burst open into a torrent of butter in those days.
      I've had a sneaking  suspicion that I was gluten intolerant for a number of years.  My younger sister has the same intolerance.  I've always felt a bit of bloated pain with my breads.  The problem, as you may have guessed, is that bread is so damned awesome.  And already being vegan, I had terrifying visions of me just eating moss, sticks and leaves ( or I guess you could call it salad or whatever) , with a somber resigned expression on my face.  This kept me eating things that my body didn't need in the name of my taste buds.  In the 1st year of Toddlesworth's life I began to notice a stiffness in muscles and joints that wasn't there before.  Then one morning I woke up with swollen hands such that my wedding ring was causing me pain.  No way was I going to be Captain Slug Body in my middle 30s.  Some little guy was counting on me to run around with him and carry him and generally be an awesome playmate.  I drew a line in the sand and stopped, cold turkey, on the gluten. I was surprised to discover that I don't miss it.  Sandwiches are a little more complicated now, but  it is completely worth it to not feel as though I have swallowed a brick after a meal.

So here's a snapshot of where my diet is/ is going circa the end of 2013.  I snack on snap peas, and Snapea Crisps ( by Calbee : PRODUCT ENDORSEMENT!).  I eat as much fruit as I do noodles of any kind.  I haven't eliminated corn chips yet, but most every other kind.   I still sometimes struggle with energy drinks, but I drink water as a normal occurrence now.  Lady Covington even occasionally gets me to eat a salad, because she understands the sacred mysteries of avocado.

[We are still a far cry from where I'd like to be. I want to move further away from processed foods, I want to buy healthful junk food when we do buy it, (rather than the Oreos I do still occasionally eat) and I want to make more of our food from scratch and in bulk.  I think part of my new years resolutions will be to take on a cooking project once or twice a month and learn how to make something (vegan margarine from scratch, gluten free breads from scratch, etc) as well as to begin trying to make some of our favorite foods up in bulk and freeze them. One thing is for certain, our son is being raised with much better eating habits than we ever had when we were growing up!]

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