Monday, February 10, 2014

White Trash Vegan Evolutions II : I Want My Damned Deep Fried Twinkie!

 This post should have been posted months ago. I'm going to post it now and attempt to back date it to approximately February.

By Lord C:

This post is about the perils and pitfalls of an earnest attempt to make healthy food choices when your whole being is crying out 'More Butter NAOW!"     There is more than a degree of discomfort with our abrupt transition. I have at any moment a dozen meals I can prepare from a decade back catalogue of vegan recipes.  The problem is, they are all fatty ,salty- scrum-didily-umptios piles of explosive flavor and : calories.  We used to grin and say we liked our white rice yellow.  We used to deep fry pizza toppings.  Oil cooking out and the stir fry is burning? Add more oil!    And for the better part of said decade I was perfectly happy to enjoy my after meal food coma of joy.  Insert pants here, only bigger ones this time.
     So now , I'm learning about how to make flavor without oil. I'm learning about sweet that doesnt require added anything ( cashews are totally sweet if you stop eating sugar! - who knew?) Turns out you can make carrots taste like hot dogs if you marinade them right ( Special thanks to {JC Pruitt FB and Jomio and Ruelietes FB for those) Hell, I am somehow learning that cabbage and brussel spouts can taste good ( Though to be fair curry anything is a treat for me.) It turns out it can be a joy of flavors without the build in heart attack, but it was more than a little intimidating at first. We have to relearn all the right auto pilots, and we havent always been sucessful.  I managed to make cayenne pepper oatmeal one moring I swore it was cinnamon, until Toddlesworth made a face, inhaled like a dragon and said " berry 'picy".  Lady Covington has been fighting an ongoing battle with the Lemon Poppy seed Muffin of Stubborness + 2.  She has had to work with only substitues : oat flour, Xylitol and or Stevia; and it just refuses to taste right. It feels like being in recipe kindergarden again, and I'm the paste eating kid. (We all knew that kid)
    And there is also the hunger.  Oh sweet Odin riding Sleipnir through the snow, the hunger is powerful.  The thing is, I remember being hungry as a kid.  That feeling after you've been galavanting off all over your imaginary secret kingdom, and you ar suddenly aware of a hollowness inside yourself.   Your body demands; Eat. Now.  I personally always enjoyed this sensation because the food was going to be the BEEEEEEST EEEEEVR.  Whatever I sit down to eat was going to be the most satisfying , mouth watering thing.  As an adult, when I could decide what and when I ate, I have not known this feeling much.  My portions have been completely out of control since I got to buy my own food.  I probably just wanted to prove to myself that I could eat-whatever-the-hell-I-wanted-now-Im-a grownup-dammit-don't-judge-me.  So there was just time to eat, whether I felt true hunger or not.  Now, when it's meal time, my childood friend- that void I mentioned-is sitting right next to me at the table.  Eat. Now.

Lady C wants to add: A quick google search will show you many resources that agree that it is harder for women to lose weight than men. This is largely due to men having more muscle mass. I am trying hard to keep within my calorie budget for each day, and it is frustrating when I am hungry immediately after breakfast and Lord C exclaims how happy he is with his oatmeal and how he feels full until lunch. There are only a few meals that we can afford, calorie wise, that actually keep me full until the next meal. While these are all good foods, they aren't my favorites. (Salad, curry cabbage, the tofu noodles are the ones that come to mind.) It is a bit sad to me that I would rather eat something I don't like as much rather than a favorite food just so I can not be hungry and prone to snacking until the next meal.
  Snacking is a huge issue for me. I don't have a surplus of willpower, and gluteny delicious treats aren't off limits to me like they are for Lord C. So, when I'm alone with my hunger and a box of wheat thins, it is easy to convince myself that one serving isn't that bad... only one becomes three, and then I've eaten enough calories for an average meal these days, and it hasn't done too much to decrease my hunger.
I am happy for my husband when he steps on the scale and triumphantly lists a weight several pounds lower than it was a couple days ago, but I am also dissapointed that mine still shows the same weight it did last week. I'm not even sure what emotion I would say this is.. I want to congratulate him on his triumphs, but I am jealous and frustrated that I'm not making the same headway.
He is being very supportive because he is awesome, and I know I just have to keep trying. It would definitely help if I could learn to react better to excessive levels of enthusiasm. Instead, I react like a night owl before their first cup of coffee, whose bed is being jumped on by a chipper morning person. That is to say, I feel like I can't possibly match his level of enthusiasm and I might as well not even try. Instead of feeling like I am competing with him, I need to focus on competing with myself and my own cravings and hunger pangs.

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